Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
