I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
