Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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