gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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