Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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