This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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