I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
