somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
