then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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