Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
