u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
