We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
