1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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