Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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