Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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