Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
