I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
