every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
