Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
