I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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