I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
