you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
