I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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