I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
