I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
