He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
