OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
