I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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