we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize