you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just invented taco cereal.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
