dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
