Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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