I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
