you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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