apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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