I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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