btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
