I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Alive.
So much puke
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
