This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
