He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Houston, we have a blender
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
