Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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