I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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