I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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