nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize