thus making me awesome and them whores
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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