remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
