Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
