I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
