White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
