If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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