Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
