Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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