Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm like, not good at living.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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