Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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