do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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