It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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