Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
