I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
