Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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