This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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