any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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