You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize