turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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