i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
