one might say we're banned from that church
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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