i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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