what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
