I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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