i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
