Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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