you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
