We won't sleep together?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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