you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
