ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
