You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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