ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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