Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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