You're so nebulous sometimes
She's JV to your varsity
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
