I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
