I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I FOUND THE LEGS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
